What the fuck is self-care?!?!

1st June 2016

Post reblogged from SON OF WHATEVER with 191,221 notes

lovelysuggestions:

In case no one has told you today, I’m so proud of you I know how hard you’re trying

Tagged: →selfcare→self care

3rd September 2015

Post reblogged from I saw the future; I did. with 273 notes

flambutt:

Hey this is ur daily reminder to drink water and eat food and take ur meds <3

13th August 2015

Question

therapyselfies-blog asked: Hello! I recently created a project to help break down the stigma about seeking professional help for one's mental health. I am asking people for their selfies taken in the therapist's office. If you cannot personally contribute, maybe you could share my Tumblr with your followers; it would be much appreciated. No harm if not though. Cheers :)

Boost

24th April 2015

Post reblogged from something to talk about with 241 notes

the annoying thing about self-care

verbalprivilege:

there are a lot of criticisms to be made of self-care rhetoric but one thing that really annoys me is how so often it’s phrased as “do what you need to do to take care of yourself” as if that doesn’t mean we’re going to go just get drunk or lay in bed for five hours do some other thing to bury our feelings or that will make us feel even more like shit when we’re triggered. I mean, I’m not saying this to judge those behaviors, but people throw around the term self-care as if we’re going to even know what the fuck that means. like, we’ve all been schooled under this capitalist heteropatriachal kyriarchy (yes, that’s a bit tongue in cheek), and so we’re not actually going to automatically and intuitively know healthy ways of maintaing balance, feeling our feelings, setting boundaries, or releasing heavy shit. especially when trauma histories are involved (and even when they’re not) we’ve learned really maladaptive and dysfunctional ways of coping and surviving and it takes time to actually build real tools for self-care. I always felt so perplexed when people would say things like “you can leave if you need to” or “please take care of yourself” because it always seemed so vague; like, leave and go do what? I get that people are worried that people will feel obligated to stay in a triggering space and they’re basically saying that people shouldn’t feel that obligation, but that’s not self-care, that’s like the most rudimentary of reminders that people can have boundaries. if we’re going to acknowledge that self-care is a real skill and practice that we don’t just intuitively have, then we need to support people in actually learning those practices… I think that’s part of what made self-care feel like a really privileged white people thing to me, too. I really don’t think that it inherently is (though certainly privilege is what impacts peoples’ access to the time and energy to think about things like self care) but I do think that people with more privilege and people who aren’t abuse survivors tend to have way more of an intuitive understanding of “how to take care of themselves” because they’re more likely to have been taught and encouraged to do those things, and to recognize their own needs, growing up. that’s not a bad thing at all, but there needs to be more broad support in learning and developing those tools instead of just assuming people have them.

I guess what I would really like to see in self-care work is for people to actually start collectively sharing and teaching real concrete tools of self-care. like teaching workshops on what self-care actually is and what it looks like concretely, how we practice it, different ways of doing it, instead of throwing it around without ever acknowledging that people might not know (and I don’t mean intellectually know, but I mean intuitively feel) what the hell it means.

I went to a Dori Midnight self-care workshop and it was fucking awesome because it was basically like 2 hours of guided meditation with a few herbal things and discussions thrown in. But basically it was like, “ok, let’s just do this shit.” Saying that you want people to do self-care as an organization, workplace, collective, whatever, doesn’t actually mean anything if you don’t create some space for people to do that work together. That means things like making sure that people who do crisis and trauma work have adequate spaces built into the organization to debrief and get support around their secondary trauma. Or like incorporating guided meditation, dance, art, writing, whatever forms of healing/releasing/expressing/spiritual work jives the best for your group - incorporating that shit into your meetings, or the workplace or whatever. it doesn’t mean anything if you make it a homework assignment that people can’t even comprehend half the time, and that they have to somehow motivate to do themselves while alone at home.

It’s funny, I started to really hate the term self-care because I saw it being sort of misappropriated and abused and thrown around in these really unaccountable ways, where people would just use it to justify behaviors of avoidance, or not being properly accountable to their committments or to other people. The thing is though, of course self-care is used as a justification for peoples’ unaccountable behaviors when we aren’t even showing people what self-care is; of course we’re going to fit it into the existing frameworks we have of of our emotional realities, and if we’re already operating consistently in certain dysfunctional or unhealthy patterns than inevitably our interpretation of “self-care” is going to express itself that way too. It’s taken me years of being around self-care rhetoric to even start noticing when I want to say no to something, let alone choosing to do so. I think that there is a lot there that is really valuable - I come from a background of getting some support from self-help groups like codependents anonymous and I have a lot of respect for the internal and emotional work that people do (and that I have done) in order to understand the importance of things like healthy boundaries in our lives. But I think it’s precisely because I’ve engaged with this work that the way that self-care rhetoric is carelessly thrown around annoys me. I mean, people spend years in 12-step groups or in therapy or whatever in order to figure out what the hell boundaries even are.

 

 I used to see lists of “self-care ideas” and it never really made sense to me, like, the last thing I’m going to do when I feel like shit is something proactive that will make me feel better. when people say “do what you need to do to take care of yourself”, they never suggest laying in bed for hours staring at your alarm clock because you’re too anxious to get out of bed or attempt to do ANYTHING when in reality, that’s the kind of stuff that happens when people don’t have tools. the last thing I’m gonna do when I hate myself or feel overwhelmed is like, get up and take a bath, or knit myself a scarf while drinking herbal tea.

I’ve seen some really good posts about self-care floating around the internet before, like: 21 tips to keep your shit together when you’re depressed and actual forms of “self care”  and this post and this and how to take care of yourself while learning about oppression, to name a few. 

anyway, here I am just talking shit, but the reason why I wrote this in the first place was because one really concrete thing that I wish I’d see more of is actual support in learning concrete self-care skills and strategies. let’s have more workshops where we do guided meditation, or learn how to use acupressure when we’re feeling overwhelmed, or practice coming up with rituals, or talk about why ritual is important. let’s read each others’ tarot cards, let’s go on runs together, let’s break up the 2-hour meeting with a high-energy game in the middle, let’s dance and sing songs, let’s have really real and honest conversations about boundaries and needs, let’s actually create structures to make sure that people have enough avenues and resources to grow in the realm of personal and self-care work. let’s introduce people to co-counseling, or support groups, or 12-step groups; let’s read literature from those groups when they are relevant to us or people around us. and especially let’s integrate it into our other kinds of work instead of compartmentalizing it as the thing that we vaguely tell people to do at home once they leave the meeting/workplace/etc.

I’ve been realizing recently that I feel really drawn to healing work, and I mean that really holistically in that it includes everything from medical practices to body work to supporting creative expression to counseling and trauma work to rehab to liberatory education models to just meeting peoples’ basic needs for food or shelter. like, it’s super broad but to me, healing work at its core is really about anything that helps to sustain, feed, and expand our resiliancy emotionally, spiritually and physically. and if we really honor self-care as a piece of healing work, I think we have to think of it as a really serious and broad set of skills, strategies, tools, rituals, practices, philosophies, and insights that we have to dedicate real time and energy towards building. collectively!

Tagged: →self care

5th April 2015

Post reblogged from ban nazis not nipples with 605,100 notes

jhnnystorm:

tips for what to do after a really long cry because you’re probably feeling all kinds of exhausted and drained and i don’t want that for you in the slightest:

• take a shower and change all of your clothes even your socks and underwear. this is the first step to everything. 
• pour yourself a big, cold glass of water and drink it. all of it. once you’re done, get yourself a refill. this will boost u physically and emotionally instantly please trust me.
• grab a snack, something light that you don’t have to wait to prepare. i recommend a pudding cup, a piece of fruit, yogurt, a popsicle, or some crackers. 
• get under the covers. turn on something - tv, a movie, music, anything distracting. or consider calling a friend or talking to anyone nearby, even your sibling the next room over!!
• know that you are loved. you are important. you mean more than you know right now, more than you will maybe ever know. you are worth all the stars in the sky. you deserve to feel good. 

11th January 2015

Post with 2 notes

Self care is doing chores or errands before it’s mission critical

My sister Vikky has this habit. She tries to prep things for herself, like putting together the papers she’ll need for an intake the day before the person she is seeing comes in, or thinking about what she’ll wear before going to bed.

When she goes to do something and finds it prepped for herself, she says out loud “thanks past Vikky!”

I love this.

Hear me on this one. Use your spoons wisely. Do only what your body and mind and heart can take. Try to set things up to make it easier on your future self.

See also
Self care is givingyourself more time in the morning

Tagged: →self car

17th November 2013

Post reblogged from chronic illness resources with 1,438 notes

Coping Skills for the Disabled and/or Chronically Ill

wheeliewifee:

I have spent most of my life in some form of therapy, and I am a MASTER of coping skills. I have lists of tips for every trigger and every self-destructive urge —but after my accident, I noticed that some of my tried-and-true coping mechanisms were not possible in my new physical condition. Since then, I have noticed the same problem on lists circulating on-line. So, I decided to write my own!

These suggestions are from a variety of lists found in my personal collection, the Dialectical Behavior Therapy manual, and on-line. Most of the things included I have actually tried and found effective myself. 

I have broken them down into 3 categories: Pain, Anxiety, and Depression. The “Pain” list is designed for flare days. It holds the least physically-intensive ideas, things that can be done while completely bed-ridden, and ideas that can actually help reduce pain (or at least distract you from it). 

PAIN:

• Deep breathing exercises (inhale 5 seconds, hold 5 seconds, and exhale 5 seconds- carefully.)

• Draw, paint, or color. (a tablet, Magna-doodle or even Etch-a-Sketch would work if you don’t want to use paper and crayons.)

• Blow bubbles.

• Pet a dog/cat/furry creature.

• Turn on (or off) all of the lights.

• Sit outside or under a sunny-lamp, even just for a few moments. 

• Sip a warm drink.

• Use this “video” to doodle with your mouse. Try it! Trust me! 

• Watch funny Youtube videos.

• Read. (keep it light, easy to understand, and uplifting)

• Contact a friend.

• Stretch or do gentle yoga.  (Don’t push. Be very careful. Know your limits.)

• Immerse yourself in a computer or video game. Use headphones if possible. 

•  Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel without judgment; observe and describe. (example: I feel angry. My feet hurt. I am frustrated. I feel sad. I wish I were healthier. My pain is at an 8. I feel upset. - notice the thoughts/feelings and let them pass. Don’t fixate, justify, or analyze. )

• Meditate.

• Write a list of things you are looking forward to, things you are grateful for, or things you are proud of.

• Do progressive muscle relaxation. 

• Trace a maze or mandala,with your fingers(or even just your eyes). 

•  Make yourself as comfortable as possible. (sit on pillows, cover yourself in blankets, change positions, etc.)

ANXIETY:

• Put together a puzzle.

• Hold ice, splash your face with cold water, or go outside in the rain or snow. (be safe, don’t prolong exposure- only long enough for a sensation to “shock” your system.)

• Clean or organize a space. (even a digital space, if you can’t physically clean!)

• MOVE. However you can- from crinkling your face muscles to doing jumping jacks. Just MOVE.

• Drink herbal tea or decaf coffee.

• Practice progressive relaxation. 

• Write positive quotes or words on flashcards.

• Get outside, even just for a moment.

• Do gentle yoga or simple stretches. (see pain list for link and cautions)

• DISTRACT. Any way you can: TV, YouTube, Tumblr, read, write, play word games, play a game, etc.

• Throw balled-up socks at a blank wall.

• Scream into a pillow.

• Take pictures.

• Browse on-line stores. Window shop or put together a “Wish List”.

• Count. Backwards from 100, forward in 7’s, backward in 2’s, 1-10 getting gradually louder, etc.

• Plant your feet firmly on the floor or press your hands on your seat cushion. Ground yourself.

• Think of 3 household objects for every letter of the alphabet.

• Shred blank paper.

• Play with silly putty or play dough.

• Pop bubble wrap.

• Learn to swear in another language.

DEPRESSION:

• Comb your hair, paint your nails, or wash your face. (performing a simple grooming task can significantly boost your mood).

• Pet a cat/dog/furry creature. If possible, visit a shelter.

• Write a thank-you note to someone you appreciate, or leave a NICE anonymous message online.

• Make and listen to a playlist of happy and upbeat music.

• Browse photos of fun memories and people you love.

• Look at cute animal pictures! 

• Write a list of things you are grateful for, things you are proud of, things you love, or things you are capable of.

• Rub lotion onto your arms or legs, mindfully and gently.

• Draw random designs and color them in.

• Take a warm bath, shower, or rub a warm, damp, towel over your skin.

• Do something productive. Cross something off your to-do list! (organize files on your computer, clean a room, do a homework assignment, cook a meal, return a call, etc.)

• Write (or add to) your “Bucket” list! (keep it fun and upbeat)

• Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, without judgment. Laugh, cry, scream, etc.

• Observe and describe your feelings. (see pain list for details)

• Treat yourself. Eat something decadent, watch your favorite show, indulge in something!

• Make a mental list of 5 things you see, hear, and feel. Then list 4, then 3, then 2, then 1.

• Call a hotline. (International, USA) They will let you talk. They will NOT call  911 unless you say you are in immediate danger. I have used this option many times and I recommend it. 

• Contact a friend or family member.

Let me know if you have any ideas to add, and I will make a follow-up post! 

Take care of yourselves. 

Tagged: →self care→practices→resources→chronic illness

Source: wheeliewifee